Within patriarchal norms, males are prioritized in the hierarchy. Research on internalized misogyny has identified the tendency for women to prioritize the needs of men over women as a dimension of internalized misogyny. This makes sense given another dimension of internalized misogyny suggests that women abdicate their value, power and sense of self in favor of men.
Bearman and Amrhein in their book, Internalized Oppression, provide an overview of the dynamics underlying the many types of internalized oppression. For women, they share an overview of the specific cultural roots and systems framework that creates internalized misogyny in women.
We know that sexism invalidates women and their experiences and as a result women internalize this invalidation and extend this belief set beyond self to other women. This leads to women distrusting their own views and judgement, feeling they need to rely on men. Women that have absorbed this harmful aspect of self may then leave the power of decision making to men.
When males are prioritized, it perpetuates a lack of balance in power structures. Because this lack of trust extends to other women, women may have a desire for male leadership. Women experiencing this impact of sexism may be more comfortable with men in charge.
Another important way this form of sexism arises is in discussions of patriarchy. Patriarchy by its very nature prioritizes men as the dominate group and oppressions women. Demonstrating an aspect of internalized misogyny, women may desire to redirect the focus on the harm done to women in patriarchy to how we can support men in their journey to overcome the harmful impact of patriarchy. Patriarchal norms put women in the role of supporters and caretakers of men. This gender norm undermines and minimizes the needs of women in favor of men. In relation to patriarchy, women may be deflecting away from the challenging internal work of dismantling the patriarchy that resides within. This is the primary work of women.
There is complexity to this issue because even though men are not the oppressed group in patriarchy, it does harm them. Patriarchal systems assign codes, scripts, meanings and social norms based on the gender binary that harm the emotional well being, mental health, self awareness and relational abilities of people across the gender spectrum, including men. Men are hurting, trapped in expectations of dominance and control. Patriarchal norms prescribe that we treat men as if their feelings don’t count. It does not acknowledge that men have the right to their full humanity, vulnerability and emotional expression. When we are in relationship, we can support men in their journey, offering our presence, recognizing that it is their journey, and women have their own.
There are therapists and feminists that focus on helping men overcome the negative impact of patriarchy. With the exception of the responsibility of being therapists to men and boys, or parenting boys, this work is not women’s primary responsibility. If interested in this issue, a good place to start is with Bell Hooks, in her book, The Will To Change. In it she shares how men can overcome the negative socialization of patriarchy. Men need to learn to get in touch with and express emotion and open to a rich and spiritual inner world. She shares how toxic masculinity is related to a damaged ability for love, intimacy, connection and relationships, violence and other ailments of society. She addresses how men can work to dismantle their internalized patriarchy and how as a result, there is so much to gain.
Patriarchy denies full humanity to everyone of every gender. Just as patriarchal norms deny women their “masculine” side, patriarchal norms deny men their “feminine” side. To overcome patriarchy, all people across the gender spectrum must reclaim their whole being and experience the freedom of an authentic self expression that is not narrowly defined by harmful norms. It is interesting to note that it is more socially acceptable to suggest that men balance their masculine side with their feminine side that to suggest the opposite for women. Women’s feminine sides need the balance of the masculine side to empower the feminine. This balance strengthens the feminine energy and women, and this is not a desired outcome within patriarchal power structures.